While glancing at my phone,
she asks,
“Hae, what are you doing?”

A surge of guilt passes through me,
as I find myself scrolling mindlessly through instagram.

I leave my phone in my bag and approach her on the swing.

“I’m sorry,
do you want to connect?”
A big smile flashes on her face.
I chomp at her feet with my hands as
she squeals in delight.
The hungry alligator is back and so are
we.

I dream I am chasing my dad on foot as he drives around and around
a cul de sac talking on the phone.
I am screaming and sprinting after him,
but he is too fast and his eyes never meet mine.
Eventually I give up running and wait despondently on the curb for him to pick me up.

He drives just past me and unlocks the door.
I hop into the passenger seat
unable to contain my rage.

I yell, “Didn’t you see me running after you?!”

Phone still pressed to the side of his face,
he finally looks at me and says,
“No, I didn’t.”

I wake up feeling as if I’ve passed a fever in the night.
I check my phone
to find sweet texts from my partner after a weekend of hive inducing conflict.
They send me a photo of freshly sprung tulips,
tell me that they love me,
and ask me what I need.